But I Love You
by Tayuroru
Summary: TRUE STORY! Drunken nights, secret sex, broken heart! It could happen to anyone, but it had to happen to them.


Hello, dear perverted readers!

A/N: Okay, first fic (per se)! I say "per se", because this isn't really a fiction. This is something that really happened to me... For reasons that you will learn in this story, I couldn't tell anyone about this... _experience._ Therefore, I'm making it a "fic" because you couldn't possibly know who I am or where I live. Anyways, I'm not big on criticism (yes, even constructive), but I guess I'll have to tolerate it if you insist. On the other hand, I'm originally french, so please feel free to correct my spelling. NO FLAMES! I _will_ be upset! If you have anything against homoerotica, then you're barking up the wrong tree! The rest of you perverted minds, please stay and enjoy the show!

Disclamer: Honestly, why am I even bothering? This is for Christ's sake! If you wanted the real story, you'd buy the manga. Anyways, Bleach and all the characters belong to Tite Kubo-sensei. The plot is my own.

Warnings: Serious sexiness ahead! This is yaoi, people! Meaning man on man action! Once again, DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! Not in Bleach universe, and therefore, OOC.

But I Love You

Ichigo's POV

I have known for a few years now that women aren't necessarily my preference. Yes, I, Kurosaki Ichigo, am bisexual. It's not really a big deal, a lot of people are, these days. But I still can't bring myself to telling my family... They are really important to me, and it would kill me if they rejected who I really was.

I've had a good number of girlfriends, but I've never dated a guy. I guess it's just because I find them attractive, but couldn't imagine myself falling in love with one.

Oh, yes, and by the way, I'm still a virgin. I almost did it with my last girlfriend, but we got interrupted by her ringing phone. Her dog had died... We never got another opportunity and ended up breaking up.

Around that time, I met Renji. Ah, Renji... As soon as I met him, he caught my attention. If you asked me why, I wouldn't be able to explain. It was like my eyes were unconsciously drawn to his face. We had chatted, not enough to be called "friends", but close enough. A bit later, I learned that he too was bisexual, but had a girlfriend that he had been with for a year.

About a month after we had first met, he ended up saving me from another group of idiots who didn't like my hair. I would've gotten rid of them myself, if not for that stupid crow bar...

As soon as he appeared, he got rid of them without difficulty. I was in a deplorable state... He took me to his place - which I was grateful for, beause I didn't want to go home like that – and tended to my wounds. I thought that he was my guardian angel or something.

After that, we were the best friends in the world. We'd hang out, go to the movies, text each other all night... After a while, we started joking around about how we were both bisexual. Like, when texting each other, we'd say "I love you" always with hearts preceding our messages.

My attraction only grew involuntarily. I thought that, maybe, he could feel the same. But when he spoke of his girlfriend, my heart would sink.

Renji's laughter reaches my ears as I realize that I had been spacing out. I'm outside with my friends, partying. Yeah, we're underage, so what?

I take a swig of scotch out of the bottle and watch Renji talk to Rukia as I sit next to Chad. We start chatting about music, and who we think is the best guitarist in the world.

We're pretty much all smashed. I groan inwardly as I realize that we all start class at 8 tomorrow.

I see Rukia jokingly grope Renji (she does that when drunk).

"Oi, Rukia! Stop that, or I'm gonna get jealous," I laugh.

We all start laughing hysterically for no real reason. Suddenly, a girl that I don't know (friend of a friend) comes over and starts flirting with me. I flirt back, too drunk to care, when Renji stumbles over to us and wraps an arm over my shoulder.

"Hey, you! Yur not 'aving sex wit' 'im, so fuck off!" he slurs.

She makes a strange noise that I can only label as "indignation" and stomps off. I'm really drunk at this point, so his comment takes a moment to sink in.

"Oi, why d'ya do that? She was kinda hot," I scowl.

"Ahn~ Ichi~... You wanted ta leave me alone ta go fuck tha' bimbo?" he fake whines. Then he wraps his arms around me and nuzzles my neck in the most sinful way. I inhale his scent and wrap my arms around him as well. We obviously both get super-clingy while drunk.

Suddenly, I feel my cellphone vibrate, signalling that it's time to head home. I sigh loudly.

"Come on, Ren. Time to go," I mumble.

We say our drunken goodbyes to everyone and start walking to my place. It's closer, so I told him that he can spend the night.

As we walk, we hold hands, but neither of us really pay attention. We chat, slur, giggle and mumble along the way.

As we arrive, I stumble and open the door with very unusual difficulty. We giggle some more and start shushing each other before giggling again.

We put our stuff down and pull our shoes off. We go to my room and he starts yanking his t-shirt off, unbuttoning his jeans and letting his hair out of its usual ponytail. I can't help gazing at him, enjoying the show.

He catches my stare and smirks.

"Like what ya see?" he slurs.

I mimick his smirk and throw a pillow at him before starting to undress. While I do so, he slips under the covers of my bed. When I'm left in my boxers (as he is), I get under the covers as well.

We've slept in the same bed before, so it's nowhere near awkward. Even if it was awkward, our drunken haze wouldn't let us notice it.

I soon realize that I am unable to fall asleep. I turn my head to notice that Renji has the same problem. I shift my body, so that I'm facing him completly.

"Can't sleep either, huh?" I ask.

He shifts to face me as well.

"Nah, no' really," he murmurs.

We stare at each other silently, and I notice that his red hair contrasts beautifully with his tattoos.

A longer stand of hair falls in my eyes, and I start lifting my hand to brush it away, but Renji beats me to it. He tucks the strand behind my ear and leans in towards me. I stay perfectly still as he barely touches his lips to mine. In my drunken state, I'm unable to be surprized. All I know is that I want more of this, whatever it is.

I slide my hand across his cheek and weave that same hand in his silky red hair, before pulling him forward to press my lips fully against his. He moves his hands to cup my face and strokes my jaw. The kiss steadily grows more passionate and we are now crashing our lips together with bruising force.

He slides one of his hands down across my chest and tweakes my left nipple, making me gasp and we both take advantage of that fact to allow our tongues to come out and play.

We let our roaming hands explore each other's bodies, trying to make the other gasp, hiss or moan.

I flip us over, stradling he tattooed man and start trailing kisses down his body, occasionnally biting or licking as I go.

He moans slightly under my touch. When I reach the waistband of his boxers, I quickly pull them off, making him chuckle in my haste. He soon stops though, as I fist his leaking cock, moving up his body to lick and bite his nipples. I start pumping him at a slow, teasing pace and nip at his exposed throat.

He groans deeply and bucks his hips.

"Ichi..." he whispers.

I don't _really know_ what I'm doing, but at least, he seems to like it.

Suddenly, he growls ferociously and flips us over so that he's hovering over me. I know for a fact that Renji has done it with a guy before, so he probably knows more than I do about pleasuring someone.

He kisses me furiously and cups me hard through my now slightly damp boxers. With a fluid motion, he rips them off and wastes no time in gripping my rock hard erection, making me moan wantonly.

"God, Ichi, yur so hot," he murmurs huskily in my ear.

"Renji..."

He pumps me hard and fast, sucking at my neck. I'm soon reduced to a panting, gasping, moaning mess. Realizing through my pleasure filled state that it is unfair that I'm the only one feeling good, I reach down and start pumping him at the same pace that he imposed me, making him groan loudly.

With my free hand, I claw at his back and grip his ass firmly, pulling him close enough for our erections to touch. He bats my hand away from his dick to grip both our cocks at the same time and pumps them simultanuously.

"Ah! Re-Renji! I'm coming...!" I pant.

"Ugh! Me too... Ichi! Come with me!"

He bites down hard on my neck and I shout, my hips bucking as I come hard. Not even a second after, he moans my name and empties himself, collapsing on me.

We both fight to regain our breath as Renji rolls over to lay next to me.

"I hope ya realize what ya just did," he says once he manages to breathe normally again.

"Yup, and I'm okay with it," I reply. I really am okay with it. At least, that's what I thought in my post-orgasm, drunken state.

I finally understand that, yes, Renji is someone that I could fall in love with. In fact, I think that I already have.

I'm not usually one for cuddling, but I snuggle into his shoulder anyways.

"G'night, Ren," I murmur sleepily.

"Night, Ichi."

The "next morning" is a bitch! My head is pounding uncontrollably and I want to go back to sleep. Unfortunatly, my first class of the day starts in half an hour.

Renji is already awake (sort of) and getting dressed.

"Morning..." I mumble.

He grunts in acknowledgment before heading to the kitchen.

I rapidly get cleaned and dressed before meeting him there. I see him staring out the window and suddenly feel the urge to wrap my arms around him, but refrain from doing so.

"We should go, we're gonna be late," I say hesitantly.

He nods, and follows me to the front door, where we slip our shoes on before heading out.

The ten minute trip to school is a silent one, and I wonder if I'm the only one feeling the tension between us.

When we get there, we seperate with a brief "See ya later" as he has math, and I, english.

The first thing I do as I get there, is gulp down a few aspirins. English class is boring, as usual.

Half way through the class, I get a message from Renji. I hide my cellphone under the table and read it.

_**Please don't tell anyone.**_

Why am I even surprised? I should've expected it. He _does_ have a girlfriend... As if he'd leave her to be with me! I'm such an idiot...

_**I know. I wasn't gonna tell anyone =]. **_I reply.

_**Thanks, man.**_

_**Don't worry about it.**_

I didn't see Renji for the rest of the day.

When I get home after school, I go strait upstairs to take a shower. I look at myself in the mirror and discover a lone hickey on my neck.

Suddenly, my cellphone vibrates. A message from Renji.

_**I hope we'll always be friends. The next person you date won't know how lucky they are to have you.**_

The hickey, the message... It's too much. I feel my eyes fill with tears and slump down on the cold, hard floor. Only one thought is stuck in my mind.

_But I love you._

A/N: Phew! That wasn't easy... ALL TRUE! Except that I didn't get beat up about my hair, but about something else. I'm still hopelessly in love with the guy, and he's still with his girlfriend.

Please comment! Pretty please!


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